Mother's Day is not one of my favorite holidays, and while I understand why they won't or can't, I wish those who know me and know how I feel about it would just let it go, instead of making a point to bring it up. It's not that I hate being a mother or anything. I'm not sure when I started loathing the concept. It may have been one of the mother's days while my former in-laws had custody of my daughter. Or, it may have been one of the years I was estranged from my own mother (or wished I was) for various reasons. I know my desire to avoid any mention of it increased the year my daughter decided she preferred to be anywhere but home with me, and eventually moved out at 16 years old. Maybe it's a conglomeration of the negative emotions I experienced during all three of those situations -- the feeling that I failed as a mother, and that my mother is still failing on several accounts. Of course, the notion that it's a "Hallmark Holiday" (a synthetic flimsy excuse for guilting consumers into a card and gift-buying frenzy to demonstrate all the appreciation they should be showing the designated person all the time) doesn't help the matter either.
I did find it humorous how my preferred way to spend the actual day has changed over the years, especially now that I am also a grandmother. When I was in my early 20's and had a very limited budget, all I really wanted for my mother's day gift was for my husband to take my daughter out to do something, and leave me to myself for the day, to sleep in, or do whatever I pleased, with noone else making any demands on me. Then, after the divorce, when my daughter went to live with my in-laws, I usually wanted to spend it with her. Some years that worked out; others it did not. It was during those years, I developed my penchant for wanting to go to a fabulous mothers day brunch. I still like that idea, but then, I'm always up for sunday brunch - bring on the Mimosas. As the day got closer this year though, I realized what I really wanted to do was to spend it keeping my granddaughter, which would in turn, allow my daughter to enjoy her mother's day in the manner that I enjoyed mine when I was her age. So that's what I did, and was happy about that. Got some cute pictures out of the deal too.
Knowing I hate the whole "Hallmark Holiday" concept, my daughter MADE me a card. It's beautiful, and the sentiments expressed in her own writing are overwhelming to me. I'm not sure whether to beam with pride and entertain the possibility that I didn't fail her after all, or worry that I can't possibly live up to the super-hero image my daughter seems to see in me. I mean, I strive to be all those things she mentions, but some days I just run out of the energy and determination required to maintain my balance on such a high pedestal.
Oh well. It's over for this year. Next celebration to consider -- well other than some conspicuous birthdays -- is Father's Day, which is when I give John his props for dealing with all, and resolving most, of the "Daddy Issues" I carry around.
I did find it humorous how my preferred way to spend the actual day has changed over the years, especially now that I am also a grandmother. When I was in my early 20's and had a very limited budget, all I really wanted for my mother's day gift was for my husband to take my daughter out to do something, and leave me to myself for the day, to sleep in, or do whatever I pleased, with noone else making any demands on me. Then, after the divorce, when my daughter went to live with my in-laws, I usually wanted to spend it with her. Some years that worked out; others it did not. It was during those years, I developed my penchant for wanting to go to a fabulous mothers day brunch. I still like that idea, but then, I'm always up for sunday brunch - bring on the Mimosas. As the day got closer this year though, I realized what I really wanted to do was to spend it keeping my granddaughter, which would in turn, allow my daughter to enjoy her mother's day in the manner that I enjoyed mine when I was her age. So that's what I did, and was happy about that. Got some cute pictures out of the deal too.
Knowing I hate the whole "Hallmark Holiday" concept, my daughter MADE me a card. It's beautiful, and the sentiments expressed in her own writing are overwhelming to me. I'm not sure whether to beam with pride and entertain the possibility that I didn't fail her after all, or worry that I can't possibly live up to the super-hero image my daughter seems to see in me. I mean, I strive to be all those things she mentions, but some days I just run out of the energy and determination required to maintain my balance on such a high pedestal.
Oh well. It's over for this year. Next celebration to consider -- well other than some conspicuous birthdays -- is Father's Day, which is when I give John his props for dealing with all, and resolving most, of the "Daddy Issues" I carry around.
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